With today’s world of online culture and strong desires for instant gratifications, dating and relationships have completely changed. For better or for worse, it all varies on personal opinions and preferences. The rise of the hookup culture and postponed marriages has made loving relationships reserved for romantic comedies and fantasies.
As a young, ambitious woman who desires someone who is liked-minded and self-motivated to acquire more out of life, I am told over and over again, “you should lower your standards. You’re never going to find someone that fits your list”. And I cannot begin to describe to you how angry I feel and at the same time, disappointed I am in our society every time I hear this.
As a driven twenty-something year old, I cannot begin to grasp why we, as a society, are encouraging each other to downgrade and lower ourselves. It honestly AMAZES me how people want to be average, and sometimes even less than average, so much so that we are settling for half-assed attempts and bullshit apologies for not meeting the basic requirements.
I understand that this will be a sore topic for most because most of us, have either said it or accepted the fact, that we expect too much. The funny thing is, having these unfilled expectations doesn’t reflect badly on the other person for not meeting them, no. Instead, it reflects badly on us for expecting more out of a person and wanting them to do better. HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?! Why are we being shamed for wanting to more out of life, wanting to do more, be more than the average John or Jane Doe?! Why do we continue to lower the standards more and more and accept half of the efforts? Is it because we don’t want to hurt people’s feelings? Or is it because we want them to like us?
This topic reflects on everything from relationship expectations to our education system. It honestly blows my mind that my friend has to vent how some guy thought he “talked funny” and my friend was shamed for speaking basic 8th grade English with good grammar and proper sentence structure.
The guy said “you sound all smart and shit.”
WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT OUR SOCIETY?!
It honestly DRIVES ME INSANE that we continue to settle so much so that we are grooming a generation of illiterate and absent-minded children who only care about social approval, measured by the number of likes and Twitter followers, and material goods. The same generation who lack, not only ambition to achieve more and contribute to society, but a plan to acquire their goals.
Listen, I understand that we are all trying to figure out this crazy thing called life. I honestly do. I am too in fact, however what bothers me is that so many people are doing absolutely nothing to make a difference, in society, in the world, or even in their own lives. And yet, we continue to reward them and praise their minimal effort because we are afraid to discourage them. We nurture them, cater to their needs, and do everything for them. Then wonder why is it that they are incapable of raising themselves and doing more to make something of themselves. At that point, is it really their fault or ours for babying them?!
With all of that being said, No. I WILL NOT lower my standards because you fail to meet them. And yes, I understand that I will be single for a probably a very long time (at this rate, for good) and I am okay with that. I rather focus my time and energy on important things, such as my career, my personal development, and contributing to society. IF, and when, I meet a person who is extremely intelligent, extraordinarily ambitious, and wants to make a real difference, then thats when it’ll happen. Until then, please do not try to make me feel guilty for wanting more out of life because you don’t.
Inspired by Taye Diggs’s character when he commented to his partner “You should lower your standards” in his new show ‘Murder in the First’